TRANSMISSION 28

JULY 28, 2025

This week I’m helping Imogen run her summer camp and deeply entrenched in work and spending time with all the people showing up on the farm. The fear and anxiety over my mother’s health has made my mind feel like a war zone in my down time and it was the last straw on top of my emotions of homesickness and the weight of my choice to accept a long term offer to stay here in the UK and continue to work for Imogen. I’m still integrating the massive amounts of change and it’s been exhilarating and hard. 

+++ Ringing the Bells +++

Yesterday, I went to the local church in the village and climbed the narrow, cobweb filled, bell tower stairs and entered a room full of sweating men with long ropes.

Bell ringing is serious business and my face was stoic as I learned to feel the pull of the large swinging bell hidden above the ceiling. Mishandling could result in serious injury and my instructor made sure I took precautions. You could hear the metal clang and resonate through the tower but the only evidence of their existence were colorful ropes threading wooden holes above our heads. There is a technique and a skill required to do the job and some of the men had blisters on their hands from dedication. 

Afterwards, I walked to the hill behind the flint speckled church surrounded by rotting grave stones and watched the sunset. It felt like I was integrating here in the village, not just as a visitor but as a part of the community, contributing in a small way to its culture and way of life. 

It feels bizarre to be so at home so far from home but I’m glad I am finding my way here (even if I still feel like I’m floating 5 feet off the ground.)

Imogen mentioned me in a BBC 6 radio interview today and it felt surreal. I cried as I heard her say my name as I sat listening outside the booth at the BBC offices. I’m really grateful for her support of my work and willingness to tell the world about me. You can skip forward to the end and hear it here: https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m002g1tg

It’s meant a lot to be surrounded by so much innovation and professional artistry and my role here on her team is starting to really take shape. I love being a part of what she is making and the village she’s making it in. My life is no longer the same. Something has begun taking off and I’m holding on for dear life. 

+++ TBOY WRESTLING +++

I’ll never forget the first time I met Adam Bandrowski in BoyPop’s backyard in LA after my first show in the city at a party called Fluid. He walked up to me and asked if I wanted to go to a meet up of trans men he was just starting to host.

“It’s the hottest t-boys in the city. You wanna come?” He said. 

An easy “yes.” 

That first evening at Black Cat in Silver Lake expanded into Trans Dudes of LA (@transdudesofLA) and eventually into their spin off event T-Boy Wrestling (@tboywrestling) that has become national news.

Adam and my other buddy Mich Miller have built something truly incredible and it’s been amazing to watch them create trans masculine specific events that bring our community together in a way that has never happened before. I’ve been lucky enough to play my music at a few of their parties and was even a judge at T-Boy Wrestling in LA right before I moved out of the country. 

Mich reached out to me last month and offered me the halftime slot in NYC and I am proud to say I’ll be back at one of my favorite events in one of my favorite cities Aug 9th. 

There’s a few events I’ll be performing at that week so if you’re in the city and want to see me you’ll have a few chances. I already had a photographer reach out but if you want to try and meet up, chat or collab don’t be a stranger. I will be busy as hell no doubt but maybe we can make something happen? 

I’ll post the ticket link on my Linktree once it gets closer but I’m sure you can find info through their websites and IGs. 

+++ My Second Mother +++

You may have already seen it but I posted a video on TikTok recently talking about my relationship to my identity pre-transition. It spurred me on to finally write about a revelation I had years ago specifically around how I process my late-in-life medical transition and reconciliation of the woman I used to be in the world. 

Many stories of trans people involve gathering proof or evidence. Others have a resolute assurance that they’ve “always been this way.” I don’t relate to that and never have. Maybe I’ve always been a man maybe I became one. Why does it matter? I’m here now. 

I changed myself of my own free will and am happier now in my chosen skin. Transphobia and the lack of access to healthcare forces us to hate our former selves, becoming detectives of our own dysphoria. I admit I have my own tells hidden throughout my childhood but I can’t claim the age old idea that I “always knew.” I didn’t. How could I have? I had no concept that a man like me could exist or ever had. 

The woman I was for years existed and was a full person even if most days she felt like a permanent drag persona. I’m discovering myself in reverse now with a love for my previous self that fuels the deep dive into who I really am and have always been. I don’t hate that I was a woman or feel the need to hide her. Being her made me a better man. 

You can read the piece I wrote about this over on substack: https://open.substack.com/pub/topfreakdaddy/p/my-second-mother?r=4nf4o7&utm_medium=ios

XO- Freak

P.S. What you read above is a portion of the full letter I email to my fans each week. If you want to see it, hop on my email list. To read previous letters, subscribe to my Substack.

In light of the loss of suicide prevention hotlines in the US, please take advantage of the community I started over on Discord. If you still need access, just text me. If you feel like you’re on the brink and can’t get a hold of anyone to talk to just shoot me a text. I am always happy to listen.

DARCHNERVE TEXT LINE: 323-657-3474

$$ SHOW CALENDAR $$

Aug 7- NYC - TransDudes of LA

Aug 9 - NYC - T-Boy Wrestling

Aug 10 - NYC - T-Boy Wrestling

Booking: mgmt@freakdaddyworld.com

DARCHNERVE TEXT LINE: 323-657-3474