TRANSMISSION 21

JUNE 9, 2025

Everywhere I look there’s blood. In Gaza. In the ICE detention centers. In Ukraine. In Congo and Sudan. The only clean hands I see belong to Britain’s cowardly NHS who issued GP guidance to refuse blood tests for trans people in the UK this month.

It’s hard to feel like it’s safe to sleep, eat, or imagine a future that isn’t going to be more difficult to survive than today. It’s hard to stuff the anxiety in your back pocket and do the mundane tasks, or worse, the tasks it takes to chip away at your dreams.

When can I dream if I never sleep?

+++ SXSW London Recap +++

As you know from my last letter, I spent the week at SXSW London. The first time the event has crossed the pond from Austin, TX. I attended as support for Imogen and through fated circumstances ended up participating myself.

On Monday, Imogen and I went to the Protein Gallery to watch the London Contemporary Voices choir (with cross over members also in the TransVoices UK choir) perform as a part of the exhibit "The Call" by Holly Herndon and Mat Dryhurst. It featured a multi-panel fan system that played hymns by adjusting each of the various blade speeds. It sounded like the ghost in the machine found god.

After their performance, I watched an exhibition by Glitch Artist Collective who ethically trained an AI model to generate images on a screen based on a musical performer’s sound and movement on stage. Singer Inna Modja sang a mix of traditional melodies and songs that sent the images behind her careening in a dance of shapes, colors and textures. After speaking to the collective, we agreed to return to the gallery the next day to experiment with their set up.

On Tuesday, myself, Ilā and Coda of TransVoices UK, Inna and Imogen all went back to the gallery and performed an impromptu improvisational vocal piece in collaboration with Glitch Artist Collective and their AI model. It was fun to see how our voices changed the imagery being projected behind us and a pleasure to sing with such talented people. It was the first time I’ve improvised live outside of my own shows with my new voice. Felt like a milestone.

On Wednesday, myself and other members of the team stayed in Shoreditch next to the venue where Imogen would be giving her talk on Artistry in the Age of AI the next day. Her ten year old project Auracles (Auracles.io) presents a solution to the theft of creative intellectual property (IP) by building a foundational layer of data uploaded and controlled by the artists themselves. It’s this project that brought me over here and something I’m proud to be supporting.

A few days prior, I received a message from Ilā that one of the performers on the Trans Voices showcase that Friday had dropped out and she asked if I would join. After consideration, I agreed and was given the day off to go hop on stage at Ninety One bar to play a 20 min set opening for Elouiza and Ilā then joined the TransVoices UK Choir for the final performance on the lineup.

The choice to participate as a performer in SXSW wasn’t easy, especially given the controversy. Even though TransVoices UK organizers successfully got companies like Barclays and Palantir de-platformed, other figures, like Tony Blair, still made surprise appearances, which led some people to distance themselves.

I respect the choices of those who backed out while also believing that having a platform now as a marginalized and oppressed group of people is a powerful tool if wielded responsibly. In this case, it felt right to show up, speak the truth and take up space and I’m very glad we did.

The crowd was filled with trans and queer people and there was a reverence to the final choral performance that left many in the audience in tears. My queer and trans community took over the space and healed together by sharing the joy of witnessing and celebrating each other’s art.

We have to show up and scream in the places we are not heard if we ever want things to change.

+++ Metal Pride +++

Yesterday, my new friend Tas invited me to the first ever metal pride in London where I got to see an incredible line up of bands. I was amazed to at the turn out and how engaged the crowd was with all of the music. It was a special time to yet again be surrounded by my community. I sat outside and ate empanadas while I chatted with new friends about our lives, our art, our dreams and our goals. That is what we all deserve. Safety and spaces to express ourselves without the threat of violence. Just an occasional loose elbow in the pit.

Bands: Worship The Sacrifice / Symbyote / Davghter / Nymphic / Atlas Theory & more

+++ Suffer +++

I’m heading back into the studio this week to work on my new track with Lucas. I made some good progress on the drums and overall progression. It’s crazy to be tracking guitars again after not playing for a few years. I sold my guitars when I moved to Portland in 2020 so I could buy studio gear to record my record. Now I’m rebuilding my gear and looking for local musicians to help create a live band to back me up.

I also have several collabs in the works with artists I love. I am trying to fill the time I’m not working for Imogen with music making so I don’t wallow in the pain of it all.

I’m not sure how to handle the reality of the world without focusing the energy on making art. I want to feel like I’m in control but I’ll settle for feeling lost in the flow state for brief moments of the day.

XO- Freak

P.S. What you read above is a portion of the full letter I email to my fans each week. If you want to see it, hop on my email list. To read previous letters, subscribe to my Substack.

In light of the loss of suicide prevention hotlines in the US, please take advantage of the community I started over on Discord. If you still need access, just text me. If you feel like you’re on the brink and can’t get a hold of anyone to talk to just shoot me a text. I am always happy to listen.

DARCHNERVE TEXT LINE: 323-657-3474

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TBA - booking: mgmt@freakdaddyworld.com

DARCHNERVE TEXT LINE: 323-657-3474